i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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