i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
