so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
