You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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