Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I smell stomach acid.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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