I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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