And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize