I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We need to rekindle our bromance
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
