we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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