Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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