Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
