I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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