My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
