Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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