Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
