I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
