I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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