Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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