and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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