As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
