My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
