Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
