my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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