Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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