If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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