Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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