I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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