It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
