I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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