I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
