Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
