dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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