He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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