ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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