You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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