It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
