I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
