Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Come on in and take your pants off
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