youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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