You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
