We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
