had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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