He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
