The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
