the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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