Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
