So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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