Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
