There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
foreskin is a definite game changer
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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