would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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