I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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