Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
