I want to walk on stilts...naked
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
don't judge my taste in strippers
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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