Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
