apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
