turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
