Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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