Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
