Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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