I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
