ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Randomize
