Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize