i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
