Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
