I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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