I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize