my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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