I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize