i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
